Sometimes, I look at this site… and I just have to think to myself, “Damn, this all started because of a simple IM conversation between myself and Paul.”. For you see, last summer I was writing for a wrestling opinion board, Explicitwrestling.com.. when I got an IM out of the blue from a writer from a competing site, Lethalwrestling.com, who wrote under the name “Sebollox”. Yes, young “Sebollox” or Paul as he is known now.. IM’ed me to tell me he was a fan of my work… unlike those damn Japanese. When the IM box came up and I saw the name “Sebollox”, I knew exactly who he was… cause I had been following his work over at Lethal.. and I was always impressed anytime I ever read anything by him.
So after we got the mutual ass kissing out of the way… Instead of talking about anything internet related, we just started shooting the shit about relationships, movies, music, television, etc.. It was through a series of IM conversations throughout a month or so, that Paulie and I discovered that we, for all intents and purposes, shared the same brain. We pretty much made an effort to talk every week on Friday during the early evening… which was perfect for me, cause I got home from work at 4:30.. and I needed to kill a few hours before getting ready to hit the bars. Time would fly by.. and next thing I knew I was looking up at the clock and typing, “Damn.. it’s 8:30 already? I gotta head out. Need to order some coke and hop in the shower. Peace out dooder.”.
Finally, around January, we were both getting kind of tired of writing for the wrestling scene... and the two of us were writing for a small site called Beautiful-Disaster.com, which was run by a good friend of W-D, Eric Fields. Well, Eric had become really busy in his personal life.. and Paul and I were all set to take over managerial duties. However, on one “fateful night” (cue the melodramatic music).. Paul and I were talking on IM.. and I suggested, that rather than take over B-D, the two of us should start our own site. He agreed.. and in a matter of seconds, we were both on Register.com, checking to see what names were available. To the joy of some and to the anguish of others we decided on Whatever-Dude.com. I’d like to say that we chose the name as sort of a sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek reference to everything that’s pop culture related… but the truth is, it’s just a phrase my friends and I use way too often in everyday life. Oh, and one time I masturbated using Palmolive as lubricant. There.. now you can officially say that I’m telling you more than you need to know.
Now you see, one thing that was constant during all of mine and Paul’s IM convos throughout those pre-WD months was that we made an obscene amount of references to the movie Mask… No.. not The Mask starring Jim Carrey.. Mask, as in the one with Rocky Dennis. When W-D first opened, Paul and I had discussed collaborating on a post about our favorite guilty pleasure… but we decided against it because we both felt we couldn’t do the movie justice without the screen captures to back it up. It’s amazing how few pictures there are of Rocky Dennis on the internet. We only could find a measly handful.. and if you’ve ever noticed, we have used one of those on our error page. You have no idea how many e-mails I’ve gotten over the last 9 months, from complete strangers, asking me where we found that picture on our error page.. and if we knew where to get even more pics from Mask.
So a few months pass and never a week went by without Paul and I toying with the idea of finally getting around to doing the Mask article. Yes.. we even scare ourselves. Paul ended up coming out to “the States” (that’s what foreigners like Paul call the U.S.) in July… and we ended up meeting in person for the first time.
Now here’s a funny little story that really has nothing to do with what I’m getting to in my own trademark roundabout way. Paul and his girlfriend, were originally supposed to stay at my apartment when they came to NYC… but being that my apt. was destroyed by the girl in the apt. above mine and her careless cigarette smoking ways… Paul and Jaki opted to stay in a youth hostel.. and since I was home now in Jersey, I’d just come in whenever and we could hang out. So the first week he was out here, he spent it doing siteseeing with his girl… and on Monday of the next week, I get a call at around 9:30 asking if I wanted to come into the city and go out for a few beers. Jaki was really tired and going to bed early.. and he was bored. Now being that “spontaneous” and “Dave” go together like Richard Simmons and grotesque tiny shorts… I told Paul which street to meet me at.. and I hopped in my Jeep to go meet him.
I get into the city, park the car.. and as I’m walking to the corner in which I said I’d meet him… I can’t help but notice the guy standing on the corner, wearing a sleeveless, v-neck, gray polyesterish material top. Now being that my wardrobe consists of mostly stuff from Banana Republic, DKNY, or Kenneth Cole.. I look gay enough all on my own. Now being next to Paul wearing this shirt, we might as well have been acting out scenes from The Birdcage. Paul, of course would take on the Nathan Lane role… being he looked more gay than I did.
So as we’re walking down the street to find a bar to go to, we’re talking about movies… and Paul exclaims, “I dig Ben Affleck.”… to which I looked over my shoulder, cause I had an eerie feeling we were about to become the victim of a hate crime. We go into a nice Irish bar.. just cause I wanted to make Paul feel at home… and we took a seat towards the entrance, right in the corner part of the L shaped bar. A few minutes after we got there… a guy and a girl walked in and sat in the corner. I still to this day have no idea what the relationship between these two was.. because the woman looked like a professional Wall Street type.. and the guy looked like a homeless person. Seriously, this guy looked like he had a whole lotta spinach stuck between his teeth.. until I realized those actually were his teeth.
So Paul and I are just sitting there having a couple of beers (of course I was outpacing him two to one.. just cause I’m super cool)… and shooting the shit about girls, movies and what have you.. Since Paul’s back was kind of turned away from the couple at the end of the bar… he couldn’t see what I was seeing. Everytime I turned to talk to Paul, I couldn’t help but notice the guy at the end of the bar staring at us, like Rosie O’Donnell eyeing up an ice cream sundae. It got to the point where it was creeping me out so bad… that I wouldn’t turn in Paul’s direction to talk to him. I leaned down and told Paul that I wasn’t trying to be rude… but everytime I turned to talk to him, the guy at the end of the bar was in my peripheral and it was weirding me out.
Finally, I overheard the woman who was with the guy, say to him, “I don’t think they are..”. At this point, my natural instincts kicked in. Now some may call these instincts “homophobic”.. but I prefer to say that “I just don’t like it when people think I’m gay.”. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Hell, I mean, I get angry when people accuse my burgundy sweater of being brown. So after she said, “I don’t think they are.”.. I looked directly at the couple and said, “Hey.. how ya doing? So how many times a day do people tell you that you look like Jacqueline Onassis… Two.. three times?” (She really did look like the former first lady..) .. Paul then said to her, “You look just like that actress, Jean Tripplehorn.”. Nothing says “I’m not gay” to another man more than trying to hit on a girl the guy’s with. After a few minutes of small talk with the former first lady look-alike.. I excused myself to the bathroom and when I got back, they were gone. What that couple had in mind when they first sat down.. your guess is as good as mine.
It was getting late… and Paul ended up walking me back to where my car was parked, cause I had a couple of W-D shirts to give him. That’s how I likes to lure my men. With promises of free t-shirts ;) So I grab a t-shirt out of the back and give it to him. Now I guess it was a mixture of Paul’s being drunk coupled with just how funny a W-D t-shirt can be… cause not only did Paul LOL.. but he also managed to drool all over the shirt. My response to that was, “I gotta bunch more here in the back.. Take as many as you want.. Just try not to drool on all of them.”.
The weekend after that Monday, Paul’s girlfriend Jaki had to go visit some friends in Philadelphia.. I went in on Thursday and took Paul with me back to New Jersey. Of course, I had to pop some Bon Jovi and Bruce Springsteen into the cd player for the ride… I mean, it just wouldn’t be a trip to New Jersey if “Livin’ on a Prayer” wasn’t played at least once. So Paul and I went to my Mom’s house and hopped on the computer to check out our site. As we clicked on the “forum” we noticed that somebody went ahead and switched it to it’s current Ikonboard format. I looked at him and asked, “Did you tell them to do that?”.. to which he replied, “No.. did you!?”. Yes, that was pretty much representative of just how much control we had over our own website at the time.
That night we went and stayed at my girlfriend Jaime’s apt… and we had great fun making fun of her copy of Jewel’s “A Night Without Armor”… The next night, the three of us went into the city to go see my friend Tom, who had an internship over the summer.. and the company set him up with a sweet ass midtown apartment. So we go to Tom’s place and since Jaime and I had to be up early in the morning to go back to Jersey to go to her friend’s wedding… we did the smart thing.. and ordered up a boatload of ecstacy. A few of Tom’s friends from grad school came over… we dropped some E and went out to my friend James’ bar. We dropped our second e-bomb at around 1:30.. and finally left the bar at around 3:30 to go back to Tom’s place. Now logic would dictate that since we had a wedding to go to the next day.. Jaime and I probably should have went to bed… but since “logic” and “Dave” go together like Calista Flockhart and a five course meal… we decided to make the call and order up some more E. Since James was stoppng by after he got off work, we called him up and asked him if he wanted us to spot him for any. I already knew the answer to that one before I even dialed the number.
So we order up one for everybody there.. and with the state that we were all in, the money collection process might as well have been being handled by Warren from There’s Something About Mary. Have you seen my baseball? Finally the guy shows up at around 4:45.. and since James had just showed up, we drop our third e-bomb of the night. At 4:50, Paul looks at me and asks, “So.. do we have any more of those?”.. to which I spit out my beer with laughter. It was as if the previous half hour of figuring out how many we needed and how much money to get from everybody was immediately erased from his short term memory. Fifteen minutes later, Tom’s friend from grad school, Jon, looked at me and asked, “So, Dave. What hair care products do you recommend?”. Paul found that to be one of the most random, funniest things he’s ever heard (it was probably like #365,412 on the List of Things I Was Expecting to Come Out of That Guy’s Mouth When He Looked at Me) and he still asks me that every once in a while..
Oh.. and Jaime and I ended up leaving at around 9:00am.. still fully awake. Do you think we went to the church for the ceremony… or went home and slept for a few hours and just went to the reception. If you chose the latter of the two... congratulations, you are good at gauging a junkie’s decision making process.
Paul was leaving to go back home on Wednesday of the next week.. so Jaime and I ended up meeting up with him and Jaki the night before they left. It was during that night that Paul and I started talking about the movie Mask. Jaki looked at Jaime and said, “You have no idea…Paul has such an unhealthy fixation with that movie.”.. to which Jaime replied, “I think I have a pretty good idea of what’s that like”, as she looked in my direction.
To make a long story short… Ummm… Dave, the possibilty of that happening went out the window about twelve paragraphs ago... Paul and I still toyed with the idea of doing a Mask post for the past several months.. but still without the pics, it just wouldn’t be as good as we’d want it to be.
Well, being that we are officially kicking off the new era of W-D… I just got one thing to say…