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Smallville: Superheroic Teenage Angst at its Best

posted by Eric on 8/07/02

Before I pop the cherry on all the super-powered melodrama and sex appeal that is The WB’s Smallville, I wanted to welcome everyone to what‘s been lovingly dubbed “Superhero Week” here at Whatever-Dude. That’s right, not since the phenomena known as “Rocky Dennis Week” have the fine folks here at W-D given you a week full of similar articles sporting the same continuous theme. Yes, many of our writers have sported the same underwear for weeks at a time, but unfortunately we can’t really figure out a legal way to market that as a way to attract readers to the site, or for that matter, market ourselves to the ladies as objects of desire. At any rate, this is the first of seven days filled with nothing but articles based on our favorite movies, television shows, and comic book and cartoon characters involving all the superheroes that we’ve all grown up loving, or hating, as the case may be. So be sure to come back to your favorite site (and yes, I do mean Whatever-Dude) every day this week for superheroic shenanigans a-plenty. Even if you’re not a big fan of superheroes or the entertainment mediums that we’ve grown to associate them with, you’ll be sucked in and walk away from W-D this week with a new appreciation of the staff’s undying love for the heroes that would make our world a better place if only they were real... just like stripper boobies and penis enlargers.

But without any further procrastination on my part...

Welcome to Superhero Week @ Whatever-Dude!!!1

If there is one thing that most people know about me, it’s the fact that I’m a huge Superman fan-boy. I always have been, and I always will be. I'm almost as bad as many boy-band pop stars from N'Sync and O-Town who brand themselves with the Superman shield in more than one place on their bodies, decorate their homes in accordance to what looks good with a Daily Planet backdrop, and dress draped in the colors of the unflattering blue, red, and yellow hoping to look like a hero or sorts. At one point, all I wanted to do was become an actor/comedian so I could star in an American Express commercial with “The Man of Steel,” just like Jerry Seinfeld did. In fact, the only thing that in reality is keeping me from falling to such an embarrassing point of dedication and obsession is the money and celebrity factor… and I guarantee that the day that I record a multi-platinum pop record is the day that I'll have a Superman sculpture made into an entertainment center for my living room, holding up the many interactive mediums that I hold dear to my heart, and maybe even buy one of Dean Cain’s Superman suits at a celebrity charity auction to go golfing and grocery shopping in. It's a little bit sad, I know, but sometimes in life there's a figure in pop culture that captivates you to the point of no return. My figure in pop culture, you ask? That's easy… the legend of Superman and Clark Kent is my anti-drug. Infect Truth. The More You Know. Represent.

Though as much as I've always been intrigued with him, there's one thing about the life and times of Superman that has really bothered me… that one thing being Superboy. That’s right, I’ve never been able to fully stomach Clark Kent’s younger heroic days in his hometown of Smallville, Kansas. You see, when Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster created the Man of Steel in the late 1930s, there was very little known about Clark Kent's early life. According to the comic mythology of Superman, CalEL, son of JurEL and the last son of planet Krypton, crash-landed on Earth simply to be discovered by the Jonathan and Martha Kent. Next thing you know, mild-mannered reporter Clark Kent has a superhero secret identity and is working in Metropolis for the Daily Planet, and he was secretly the world-renowned “Superman: Man of Steel.” There was never any hometown of Smallville, nor was there a Superboy, and there was sure as hell no crime-fighting super-dog named Krypto by an adolescent Clark's side.

The only problem is that people were questioning what happened during the missing years of Clark's life. It's natural for people to want the gaps filled in for them, so DC Comics decided to do just that in the mid-1940s when they decided it would be super-duper-neato to visit the days of Clark Kent's youth as a "Superboy." Before you could say "idiotic storylines" a 7-year old Clark was growing up on a farm in a town by the name of Smallville, Kansas, sporting the classic super-spandex, fighting super-villains who had yet to go through puberty, and walking his cape-wearing super-dog, Krypto, when he needed to take a super-shit. The icing on the cake of this mess, though, was the revelation of Superman's archenemy Lex Luthor's beginnings as a happy child who would soon turn to evil after Superboy accidentally caused his hair to fall out. Hell, even in what I would consider one of the only true evils to come out of the ’80s, there was a short-lived Superboy television show that took all of those stereotypical beliefs about “The Boy of Steel” and did nothing but emphasize the horrors that a few bored guys at DC Comics came up with one day. Thus, we've lived over half a century dealing with this nonsense as the only true knowledge of Clark Kent's adolescence… forever tarnishing the legend of Superman.

That is, until October of 2001. While the world may still have been in a shambles following the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center in New York City on September 11th, things were about to start getting a little better… all because the story of Superman's youth was about to be given a well-deserved facelift. The Warner Bros. Television Network had been in the early stages of developing a primetime weekly program about the early years of Batman's alter ego, millionaire Bruce Wayne. When the project never got off the ground due to lack of interest and creative backing, they began to consider the story of Superboy. All of the possibilities that a story of Clark Kent's troubled youth brought to the table had become overwhelming, given the network’s recent success at teenage melodramatics through the eyes of a boy and his creek, a girl and her vampire slaying abilities, and, uh, 7th Heaven. It wasn’t long before the initial consideration surrounding the project had turned into anticipation. The WB would soon have a huge new franchise on their hands, all thanks to a creative twist on a classic story.

You know, I have all of these special abilities that give me superhuman
strength, but I can‘t seem to break through these darned ropes.
Oh well, I‘ll just hang here for a while and look pretty.

The producers and writers of Smallville, who were also the creative powers behind such motion pictures as Varsity Blues and Shanghai Noon, knew that they had to do something special for their interpretation on the Superboy story if they wanted to be successful. And they did exactly that when The WB chose to strip Clark Kent of something that has become synonymous with his character… his tights. Just like the mid-’90s program based on “The Man of Steel,” Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman, finally made Clark a cool guy with a very human side that didn’t include playing the part of the buffoon anytime he was around his friends, The WB’s Smallville would give a teenage Clark Kent very real edge. When you throw in the fact that he hadn't fully grown into his super powers by his teenage years and that most of the conventional superhero stereotypes associated with Superman would be written off as jokes, ironies, or metaphors for his troubled adolescence, you realize that the character of Clark Kent was about to become more interesting than he had ever been before.

Upon developing Smallville, the geniuses at The WB created the perfect mixture of classic comic heroism and amazing science-fiction, surrounded by the teenage melodramatics that they've become famous for. The show portrays Clark Kent as something he's never been… a normal teenager. Actor/model Tom Welling has breathed new life into the character he portrays by giving us the impression that Clark is just a normal kid trying to deal with typical adolescent problems in addition to his special abilities. As his superpowers are emerging with the onset of puberty, Clark is forced to discover his origins and realize who and what he really is. The beauty of it is that he doesn't learn everything about himself all at once, nor does he receive all of his powers at the same time. It's a gradual and intriguing process, one that is sure to make for great television for years to come.

If farming was truly as fashionable as the Kent family portrays it to be,
methinks everyone would have a go at squeezing some cow teets.

Much like in the comics, the spacecraft that Clark fell to Earth in was discovered by the Kents, who would go on to raise him as their own. The particular brilliance of Smallville, though, is the fact that Clark's ship arrived along with a shower of radioactive Kryptonian debris, which was dismissed by the population of Smallville as a meteor shower. Subsequently, the Kryptonite, which the folks in this small Kansas town call "meteor rocks," has effected everyone in Smallville either directly or indirectly. Some would be killed, some would become sick, while others would gain super-human powers. Said consequences not only would no doubt make Smallville quite an abnormal place to live, but it has given Clark a reason to feel incredibly guilty and responsible… which, in turn, has made him a very reluctant hero by forcing him to battle the evil that has risen in his hometown due to his arrival. Such feelings of guilt and responsibility at such a young age combined with the abilities he possesses and the support of his parents was sure to mold him into nothing short of a “Superman,” if you will.

To Lex: Have a great summer!! Your Best Friend Forever, Clark

The challenge behind the show is the same with any prequel, in that it’s widely known what will happen in the future of these characters. For instance, most of the audience knows what Clark Kent will become, who he will be, and what he will accomplish in his lifetime... which makes the fact that the folks behind Smallville made the “Superboy” character as interesting and intriguing as they have quite an amazing accomplishment. As is the character of Lex Luthor. We know that he will grow up to be one of the most rich and powerful men in the world, we know how evil he’ll be, and we know that he’ll be the archenemy of Clark Kent and Superman in the future, but we can truly like and admire him at this point in his life. Knowing that you can watch the show and walk away actually feeling bad for Clark Kent or genuinely like Lex Luthor is quite a change from what has become typical in Superman-based television and movies, but that’s also one of the big reasons that makes Smallville such an amazing success. Another big reason is that the cast is pretty and can act well together and stuff...

Now let’s dissect the cast of Smallville and figure out
exactly what’s going down in that fucked up little town...

Clark Kent

“I'm not destined to be a politician. You need two different personalities.”

Played By: Tom Welling

You May Remember Him From: Numerous television commercials for Verizon and TJ Max, and a few Abercrombie and Fitch catalogues. It’s amazing how some people can make a living as a struggling actor for years, then a pretty-boy model can come in and score the role of a lifetime that they’re all dying for. In all fairness, though, Welling did do some actual acting by making a guest appearance in the pilot episode of Undeclared. So in essence, his limited acting experience saw him go from playing a frat boy to Superboy.

Character Summary: Obviously, Clark Kent is the show’s main character... the teenage boy who is destined to grow up to become Superman. Clark’s character has an incredible amount of depth, and, because he’s never been portrayed in this light, is more interesting than he’s ever been. Not only does he have to deal with everything that teenagers have to cope with every day of their lives, but he also has to deal with discovering his abilities and learning how to use them. At the same time he’s having wet dreams that cause him to float in his sleep, he’s going to school and trying to fit in. While in the midst of discovering his strength, speed, and X-ray vision, he’s running for class council and going to school dances. While he’s saving the lives of everyone around him and fighting off the evil that his arrival has helped cause, he’s trying to gain the romantic interest of the girl he’s in love with, Lana Lang. Clark has to deal with the fact that as many powers and abilities that he has, he can’t do certain things that would help him to fit in due to the possibility of hurting someone. Though Clark’s parents share his secret and he often finds himself confiding in them, he deals with a great deal of the pain and inner-conflict that he’s faced with by himself. He has issues that most of us couldn’t even imagine, and a feeling of responsibility that most of us will never feel. The fact that Clark Kent has superpowers as well as typical teenage problems and issues makes him forever interesting... because for once, we’re not saying “Oh, I wish I had Superman’s powers because I could do anything.” as much as we’re saying “Damn, that must really suck to have those powers and that type of guilt in addition to all of all those normal problems.”

Overall, though, Clark’s character portrays a typical teenager with very untypical problems. He’s not normal, but he has to act like he is. There will always be an inner-conflict on who and what he is, and how he should deal with it. He has to do what he feels is best concerning his friends and family, but has to do the same where it concerns complete strangers and casual acquaintances. No matter what abilities and super-powers Clark develops, though, he’ll never have the power to know how to go about living his life... which is what makes his constant struggle so intriguing. I just think that it’s too bad he’ll never have a super-power that will help him get a piece of ass.

Lex Luthor

“Trust me, Clark. Our friendship is going to be the stuff of legend.”

Played By: Michael Rosenbaum

You May Remember Him From: Aside from the older cast-members of Smallville, Michael Rosenbaum has more acting experience than anyone else on the show. He did Broadway and independent films when he was starting his career, then began making regular appearances on television shows such as Tom Arnold‘s The Tom Show and sketch appearances on Late Night With Conan O‘Brien. He also scored one of the starring roles on The WB’s short-lived Zoe, Duncan, Jack & Jane. Rosenbaum has also made appearances on the big-screen in such films as Sweet November and Urban Legends. Looks like in a cast mostly filled with talented young up-and-comers in Hollywood, we’ve actually got somewhat of a seasoned actor in our midst. Then again, Michael’s not as pretty as everyone else, either, so I guess you’ve got to give and take.

Character Summary: The character of Lex Luthor, like the character of Clark Kent, has amazing depth and is insanely intriguing, all due to never being portrayed in the way he’s now being portrayed. Lex is the son of Lionel Luthor, owner and CEO of LuthorCorp and a man known world-wide for his power and ruthless aggression in the business world. At the age of nine, on a trip with his father to check up on the family’s fertilizer plant based out of Smallville, Lex was exposed during the infamous meteor shower that happened because of Clark’s arrival and lost his long, red, curly hair as a result. Because he was in Lionel’s care, his father felt responsible for the accident and tried to make up for it by showering his son with lavish gifts and giving him all the money that he could ever need... but at the same time, he felt distanced from his father because Lionel supplied little to no emotional support for him. As a grown man, Lex could best be described as a brilliant and powerful social misfit. He has a great love for all the luxuries and power that he possesses, but he also has an amazing mind for business... so much so that when his father sent him to Smallville to turn around the same fertilizer plant that he visited on that infamous day when he was a child, he did just that. While turning around the failing subdivision of his father’s dynasty, though, Lex befriended Clark Kent after he saved his life in a car accident, and through association, he became friendly with a handful of Clark’s friends. Lex’s curiosity of Clark and not completely trusting in him is the only real flaw that their friendship has, because otherwise they look at each other as brothers would. His friendship with Clark combined with his resentment of his father makes Lex want to stay in Smallville, and also gives Lex the idea of breaking away from LuthorCorp to start his own corporation and put his father out of business. Though hints of Lex’s diabolical future are commonplace in his mid-twenties, he’s truly a very likable character. Lex seems to have a bit of a split-personality as well, hanging out and being friends with a bunch of high-school kids on one side, yet secretly plotting and overpowering anyone who opposes him.

Lana Lang

“Do you know anyone else who's lost an entire old person in a wheelchair?”

Played By: Kristin Kruek

You May Remember Her From: Kristen Kruek has done quite a few notable things in her short career. She’s been a real-life Snow White for an ABC made-for-TV movie, she’s starred on some show called Edgemont in a part I suspect that she played a chick who had eyes that could fucking stop all of the war and hate in the world, and she’s starred in Neutrogena commercials and appeared in their print advertisements playing the part of “the perfect woman.” She’s the Katie Holms or Jennifer Love Hewitt for the next generation, and in my opinion, anything she’s ever been in or will ever be in is worth the time and effort it will take to witness and cherish it because there’s nothing better in this world than a breath-taking Canadian actress who’s part Chinese and part Dutch who’s fucking hot as fucking hell. *OMG...I LOVE YOU, KRISTEN!!!!1*

Character Summary: The character of Lana Lang is not only interesting in her own right, but she helps to give Clark’s character even more depth. Her character was orphaned at the age of four when the meteor shower happened with Clark’s arrival, and adopted by her mother’s sister, Nell. Though her aunt is a perfectly capable and loving parent figure, she’ll never be able to fill the void left by Lana’s loss, and she’ll never fully be able to erase the loneliness and confusion that she constantly feels. Lana’s life isn’t in a complete shambles, though, as she not only enjoys the simple pleasures in life, but she’s typically well-liked by everyone around her, and through being a former cheerleader, is the most popular girls at school. She’s also dating the school’s star quarterback, Whitney Fordman, but her relationship often leaves her feeling even more empty and distant from the world than she already did. The one person she does seem to turn to when the rest of the world lets her down, though, is Clark Kent. Though he never seems to be around when Lana wants him, he’s always there when she needs him. Though she typically doesn’t see how Clark feels about her, on a level, she seems to have feelings much deeper than friendship for him in return. But at the same time, she remains loyal to Whitney for whatever reasons she may have. Lana also works in a coffee shop owned by Lex Luthor, which used to be the movie theater that her parents met at... she does pretty much whatever she can to keep any connection to the memory of her parents alive, and convincing Lex not to destroy the theater but rather convert it into a small hang-out that she’d work in and her aunt would manage is one such instance. Overall, the character of Lana Lang is one of those girls who you’re best friends with, but for the entire friendship, you’re destined to be in love with her because she’s so amazing, so beautiful, and such a good friend. Though she often feels empty because of the loss of her parents and usually finds herself in a situation she needs rescued from, she’s also a better person than most could dream to be. Plus, she’s fucking hot. REAL FUCKING HOT.

Jonathan Kent

“What do you say you and I go up to the hayloft and have us a little fun?”

Played By: John Schneider

You May Remember Him From: From his role as “Bo Duke” on the mother-fucking Dukes of Hazard. There’s really nothing else that you need to know about John Schneider other than the fact that Superman’s daddy was nothing but a “good ol’ boy, never meanin’ no harm.” Besides, when I bring in the fact that Schneider was a regular on Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman, it makes him go from looking like a pop culture icon to a big, unkept pussy.

Character Summary: The character of Jonathan Kent is simply the father to Clark and the husband to Martha. Though it seems now, he has more of an edge than he’s ever had. He’s stepped out of his shell as the stereotypical “father of a superhero” and become an interesting character in his own right. All while being a great mentor and a good father to Clark and a loving husband and friend to Martha, he’s become amazingly independent. He doesn’t want any type of help from the Luthors, he’s not interested in selling out his family’s farm for any price, and he’s willing to do anything to protect his son’s secret. One thing that’s not for sure about Jonathan, though, is we don’t really know what exactly he does on his farm. Yeah, he builds fences... but we don’t know what he raises or grows. Chickens and cows? Corn and grain? And if he’s such a good farmer, then why does it seem like Martha’s always got to go into the town to buy vegetables? I suppose that is, in part, what keeps Jonathan’s character interesting. Overall, though, Jonathan seems like the type of father who would actually be cool to just hang out with. Sure, he gets anal and overprotective about things, but that’s typical of all parents. His anger and frustration in some things is what makes him stand out, but his love and compassion for his family is what keeps his character in good standing with the classic storylines. Plus, he seems like he’d be a fun drunk to be around... he’d either get all wild and kinky, or beat the hell out of everyone around him. Does it get any better than that?

Martha Kent

“Clark, you're our son... whether you can bench-press the tractor or not.”

Played By: Annette O’Toole

You May Remember Her From: Longtime Superman loyalists will remember O’Toole most fondly from her role as Lana Lang in the third installment to the Superman film series, Superman III. Longtime Chris Klein loyalists, on the other hand, will remember O’Tool most fondly from her role in Here on Earth. Lucky for her that she was still able to find work in the industry after that debacle of a film was released.

Character Summary: The character of Martha Kent is, quite simply, Jonathan’s wife and Clark’s mother. She has high ethical standards and a constant concern for the two men in her life. She’s pretty much what I would not only consider to be the perfect mother from Clark’s perspective, but also probably the perfect wife from Jonathan’s perspective. As far as actual supporting characters are concerned, I think she‘s about as good as it gets. Martha doesn’t really do much to make herself stand out aside from the fact that she’s constantly giving her son advice concerning his many problems and supporting her husband in whatever he‘s doing, but at the same time, she’s always necessary to help move the storylines along and keep the puzzle from being incomplete. Unfortunately for Martha, she doesn’t seem a hell of a lot more interesting than she ever really has... aside from the fact that she’s kinda fuckable now what with reaching MILF status.

Chloe Sullivan

“What is it with me? I can spot ‘Wall of Weird’ material from a
mile away, but when they’re right in front of me I’m oblivious.”

Played By: Allison Mack

You May Remember Her From: Most notably, Allison Mack starred in Disney’s straight-to-video release, Honey, We Shrunk Ourselves, playing the part of “the hot blonde daughter of Rick Moranis.” Also, Mack made a few guest appearances on everyone’s favorite Christian sitcom, 7th Heaven, portraying the popular part of a troubled teen that desperately needs the help of the Camden family. Allison also has co-starred in a handful of made-for-TV movies that would most likely appear on Lifetime: Television for Women. We’ll forgive her for that, though, because she looks like she sucks a mean dick. And I say that with all of the journalistic professionalism and integrity that I possess as a writer... and all of the desire and lust I have as a 21-year old man.

Character Summary: The character of Chloe Sullivan is one of depth and great interest. She’s originally from Metropolis and is determined to get back to the city to write for The Daily Planet. In hopes of accomplishing that goal, she spends most of her times as the editor of Smallville High’s newspaper, the Smallville Torch, and she keeps documentation of all the abnormal activities that takes place in the town via her “Wall of Weird.” So obviously, she gets into trouble as a reporter, and she gets caught up in solving the many mysteries surrounding Smallville, which makes her a perfect candidate for the classic damsel in distress. You’d never know it though, with her fearlessness and action-loving attitude. Also, the fact that she is one of Clark’s best friends and that she secretly wants his super-nuts gives her another dream to accomplish. Also, interestingly enough, Chloe is the one character on the entire Smallville lineup that is completely original and has no ties with old Superman mythology... which leaves her character’s future completely open for whatever creative storylines that the brilliant minds behind the show may come up with. Overall, though, Chloe’s character portrays one of the best female friend who you really can’t explain why you aren’t with... she’s got a great personality, she’s a loyal and compassionate friend, and to top it all off, she’s an amazing piece of ass. Which is what it all comes down to in the end, anyway.

Whitney Fordman

“It's hard to believe that my whole life is in that trophy case.”

Played By: Eric Johnson

You May Remember Him From: Remember the Brad Pitt film Legends of the Fall? Well, Eric Johnson had a small role in the movie playing the part of Pitt’s character in his youth. He also starred in the independent film Scorn, where his character hired a few friends to execute his family. Keeping in the tradition of interesting roles, Johnson played the part of “random victim” in the made for TV movie Oklahoma City, a film about surviving the Oklahoma City bombings. Eric Johnson’s pre-Smallville days were about as notable and interesting as the first time that I learned to shit in a potty without my parents’ assistance, but what’re you gonna do?

Character Summary: The character of Whitney Fordman is basically is everything that Clark can’t be, he has everything that Clark can’t, and most importantly, he’s a whiney little bitch. Clark needed an ongoing rival with no super-powers, so why not make him be capable of and possess all the “normal” things in life that Clark can’t? In addition to being quarterback on the football team, which Clark can’t do because he could hurt someone due to his abilities, he is the boyfriend of the girl that Clark is secretly in love with. To give him an edge, though, Whitney is insanely cocky and self-centered, which helps his character as the stereotypical “popular jock.” The thing that makes Whitney really annoying, though, is the fact that he doesn’t even seem to care about all the things he has going for him and constantly complains about how things aren’t going perfectly for him. “My daddy’s sick, I don’t have a scholarship anymore, what am I going to do with my future, I’m never going to get out of Smallville, WAAAHHH!!” Overall, Whitney is the type who seems to have everything but feels he has nothing, the classic fucking asshole that we’ve all wished death upon at some point or another. The one redeeming quality about Whitney, though, is the fact that he does truly seem to care about Lana... which can’t make him all bad. Even though it doesn’t make me hate him any less.

Pete Ross

“Now that's what I'm talking about!”

Played By: Sam Jones III

You May Remember Him From: Fans of the drama series NYPD Blue make remember Sam Jones III from his awe-inspiring guest appearance on the show, playing the part of a black man who stole a gun and hid it in his daughters crib to avoid getting caught. From NYPD Blue, he moved onto a reoccurring role on C.S.I. where, again, he played the part of a black man in trouble with the law. This time, though, his character killed someone and allowed his grandfather to take the blame. Then, of course, there was his guest appearance on Judging Amy where he played a sexually abused teenager who takes out his aggressions by partaking in a drive-by shooting. I guess before his role in Smallville, Sam Jones III played characters that simply knew how to REPRESENT.

Character Summary: The character of Pete Ross is what I consider to be a classic supporting character. Not only that, but he also plays the part of the token black guy that every predominately white show has to have. Two classic stereotypes, which he executes wonderfully. He’s a great supporting character as one of Clark’s best friends, and he’s a great token black guy as, well, a black guy. In the show, it’s said that Pete is the youngest in a large family of overachievers, and he just doesn’t measure up. So he does what anyone in his situation would do... he hangs out with Clark Kent and Chloe Sullivan, plays football, and a tries to hit on all the hot white women he sees. Overall, I think Pete Ross could be best described as “a black Jimmy Olsen.” He’s always around, but he serves no real purpose other than to react to what’s happening to everyone else and to help progress the storylines. Well, except for that episode where he gets all jealous because of a sickness and then tries to pop a cap in Lex’s ass... but I guess that goes along with being the token black guy of the show.

At long last, now I can finally create some fan-fiction about
Lana sucking Clark off while Lex is getting Chloe up the ass and
actually believe that it‘s going down thanks to these handy visual aids.

So what’s to come in the future of Smallville? Well, a DVD featuring a few episodes of the show’s first season with a ton of extras is already out in pretty much every country except for the United States, but is available for import for loyal American fans. Also, a graphic novel based on the television show should be out in bookstores everywhere this November. There have been talks of a video game adaptation of Smallville, as well. As pictured above, there are also action figures currently in mass production based on the characters from the show that are slated for a fall release date. Add all of that in with the fact that a ton of Smallville-dedicated fansites have popped up all over the web and that people are eagerly anticipating the show’s second season, and you can easily come to the realization that Smallville is quickly turning into a phenomena that rivals the popularity of any Superman-based television show or movie that we’ve seen so far. Well, besides maybe Superman II... that fucking movie was the SHEEIT!!1

Dear God, I think I‘d fuck them both...
At the same time, of course, and I wouldn’t touch Clark. Seriously.

Though the comic legend of Superboy in Smallville is ever present, the beauty and originality of the show is that you don’t have to know any of it or even be a fan of it to truly enjoy the hour-long weekly adventure. As long as you have an appreciation for teenage melodramatics and quirky humor in a sci-fi and adventure atmosphere, there’s no doubt in my mind that you’ll fall in love with this television show. It has an on-screen romance that I’ve personally not enjoyed this much since the days of Terri Hatcher and Dean Cain’s stint as Lois and Clark, as perfect a mixture of quirky humor, science fiction, and action as I‘ve ever seen, and all of the teenage angst and melodramatics that we all love watching... whether we admit to it or not. So if you’re not already as die-hard fan of The WB‘s Smallville, I’d highly recommend checking it out. Then again, I recommend researching strange sex laws and watching dogs fuck as well, but still, it’s swell television show that has something for everyone. Just like a Japanese whore.

-Eric Fields

Go buy the Smallville DVD from a Canadian website, eh?

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