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The Heat Warps the Mind

posted by Chad on 9/11/02

During my summer absence, I was still taking a pen and paper with me to the beach. And a towel. And my camera. And my weed. And some beers. And a blanket. And a lot of suntan lotion… if you're going to do something, do it right. Be a lazy bum, but a professional lazy bum. Crashing out on those beaches was a great break from… hold on… I don't really do anything. I AM A PROFESSIONAL LAZY BUM! If one thing is for sure, sitting on the sand soaking up the scenery is a hell of a lot better than slouching in a shitty chair smacking to smut. Well, perhaps not "a hell of a lot better," but at least it's something different to do than writing horrible alliterations like that last sentence. Sorry folks, but it's been a while... and to get me back into the swing of things, I'm shilling my camping trip as reading material.


Climbing into those shady bushes at the beach's back edge and hitting that tanned roach on my own, sucking in all that filthy beautiful res into my body, wake-and-bake takes the cake! The silence let's me ponder, and more importantly, people watch, working myself into giggles as two old men run past wearing speedos and a separate thin belt wrapped just below their sagging man titties. The belts seem to give their sagging skinbuckets a slight lift… they're not just bros, they're push-up bros! Too true!

They pass, as does the time and the drugs, and soon I find myself with a smoking bowl twenty feet up some goddamn tree. Working down the trunk and enjoying the final moments of shade, the only sounds around are the waves mowing their way up the sandy beach spread out before me. Stumbling, oh boy is this weed ever kicking in, down the hill into the sun, hitting the heat and the breeze, man is my head ever spinning twisting, the horizon wobbling like a bouncing coin that just won't sit down! Madness! The girlfriend is quiet, at rest, at peace, so away we go! Let the games begin! To sea! To swim! Too fucked!

Sliding into the waves stoned and rolling through the ripples, and it's not liquid but rather a wavy solid, like a sea of platinum or bad CGI effects, shining silver and deep blue. Too much! Too cool! Floating on my back with my ears under water and hear nothing but faint echoes of unfamiliar sounds and silence, and watch the muted sky all you can see is the muted sky we're all surrounded by the muted sky! No longer drifting or spinning but floating! In silence! In the sky! Too real! All the mysteries and tensions unfold with natural glory and inner heat and all you see are cotton balls forming on a blue canvas out of thin air, growing and sliding and OH NO! INFRONT OF THE SUN! THE HEAT! Those bastards! Out of this cold patch! Left! Left! Left! To the heat! To the waves! To the war field!

Out of the protected bay and into the crashing waves, holding on dearly to an imaginary football charging forward hard, to go further, spinning through the onslaught, going further, diving and leaping tackles and pushing further, one arm cradling the football, the other smacking yourself a path to go further and deeper, we're much further today than ever before! Too far! Too much to stop! The girlfriend awakes and joins you! She catches you quickly! Too easy! She's too sober! You scoop her up around the waist and use her as a blocker, further forward forward forward nearing our heads still kicking the legs further and further! Leaping up and OH NO swarmed in a crashing wave pushing us back back back back too far back! Our bodies sent flying, the ball is lost, and the day has just begun! Two people in the game! To prosperity! To kicks! To more!

The suntanning is relaxing and mellowing and becomes dull quickly, so it's off into the wilderness to discover what exactly is along all these trails leading out of here. Disappearing into the bushes with Hugh, who has joined the games, and off we go! To solitude! To peace and quiet! To empty lakes! The only company is chosen companions of altered minds, anything goes out here! So quiet and peaceful and calm I just want to get a little closer, to soak up the tranquility, just a little closer, just a little… now too close! And sliding! Can't stop! In we go woooosh up to my armpits in freezing glacier melt fully clothed. AAAAHHhhh! Wet! Cold! And content! It's time to for dry clothes! Dinner! Meat! Beef! Delicious!

And with dinner done, there is only one thing left to do. Open the doors! Expand the mind! Blow the mind! Out with the homemade bong! On with the madness!

Like nothing else before it, it's beyond words, it's beyond weed… it's like a whole new drug onto itself. All of our heads start doing strange things, making commands and demands that have never even occurred before, mastering out bodies into complete craziness. Allison's riding her invisible horse around like a cowboy on the run, Hugh's swinging and chopping wood into long slivers, and I'm soaking it all in! On! Through! Absorbed it all! Beauty! Strength! Uninhibited! At one! The light is warped and blocky and non-existent, the bushes around our site dim, and the wood is being hacked and stacked and packed into the fire pit. Fire! Heat! Warmth!

Sitting with the fire, breathing the mountain air, euphoric, blurry, smokey, sleepy…

The morning feels rough and exhausting, but we have a cure for that! Pack a bowl! Load up! Hair of the dog that just keeps on biting! The campsite is cleared on a miraculous stoner mission of joy, and everything is crammed into the hunchback of a car, loaded to the brim with more crap than it's ever carried before. The mind altering bong is left behind, we've opened that door in our mind, spread the peace and joy to the next set of campers, let them mesh into the wilderness and find Mother Nature's loving arms and let Her embrace them as She did to us!

On the road barreling down the hills and slowly climbing the slopes, finding a town to fuel the car and our bodies. We stink and smell just as people should after camping for three days four days how long were we gone? Our clothes are smoky and our faces grungy and our bellies empty, we've been gone long enough. Around the bend down into town and look! Wendy's! Hamburgers! Salvation! Rejoice in the grease and soak it all in! Warm food! Fat food! Filling food! And what's that in the distance? A waterfall? A waterfall! Let's bathe!

We arrive at the base and fight our way through the throngs of tourists, who are snapping their cameras clickedy clickedy click, capturing the beauty into little 6 by 4 photos that can sit in albums serving tribute to the trips they took. I play the clickedy click snap snap game, but want more than distant photos! I want close ups! I want an experience! I'm young! And brave! Foolishly courageous! Over the fence! Into the falls! Scale the slopes! Leave these tourists behind! Into the rushing water! Up the falls!

Pure glacier melt, numbing and rumbling and thrusting and stay clear! The road to bliss is a difficult one, which makes it that much more appealing! Bouncing up the rocks swinging our bodies up and forward, higher and higher, keeping the feet dry but becoming drenched in the blowing mist filling the air. Chilling! Refreshing! Like nothing else! Purifying our bodies of dirt, cleansing our souls of sin, a fountain of youth! Rejuvenation like never before! Finally waking from this life, completely refreshed, the world is nothing more than a vivid dream, full of games little games played by little people! I'm ready to play those games! Full of energy and purity and ready to take anything on!

My eyes are closed and my body is drenched and I'm alive, alive, completely and totally alive! I open my eyes to watch the water drops rip past me, blowing swirling soaking floating, and there it is, all the valley laid out, the mountains and snowtops and trees and river and fresh air and everything! Everything! Everything is all here! Breathtaking beautiful BC! It awaits us! It wants us! It calls to us! Down the falls! Into the cars! Back to the streets! To the city! To home! To bed!

-Chad "fouff is glad to be on the keyboard again"
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