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Villains of Vegas

posted by Chad on 9/22/02

For my girlfriend Allison’s twenty-******* birthday, I surprised her with two tickets to Las Vegas. And she took me! The trip was two-fold in delight, as not only were we going to Vegas (our first solo vacation), but would also be seeing Al’s best friend Anne-Marie, who’d moved to Scotland a while ago. Anne-Marie would be in Vegas for her father’s 50th, so I scammed Al’s work into giving her the days off, booked the hotel room with my credit card online, and sucked up 60,000 of my dad’s airmiles to get us there. The spending cash to cover everything else was provided by the student loan that came through exactly one week before the departing flight. Everything came off without a hitch, and our plane landed in the city of lights on Tuesday September 10th. Until Saturday the 15th, there was no knowing the word “no.”


We touched down in Vegas just before 9pm on Tuesday, taking the sunset voyage and arriving in town as the party was just starting to turn itself on. We dumped the bags in the hotel room and made a couple of phone calls: first thing on the agenda was finding Anne-Marie. After all, what gave this trip the “Chad you’re the best boyfriend ever” factor wasn’t the change in area codes, but the reunion of separated best friends. After wandering and winding our way through some bars we cabbed it to the Aladdin, where Anne-Marie was busy making her fortune on the slots. The three of us went outside for a smoke, and the ladies began the gab session as some skinny black guy came up and asked for a light.

I pulled out a lighter and he out pulled a joint. Now, a little back-story is necessary… the night before I left, I was heavily warned by my weed smoking associates that pot and Nevada don’t mix together. The exact punishment details still aren’t known to me, but I went under the assumption that possession is a criminal offence, five years in federal lockup, game-over thanks-for-coming goodbye. I wasn’t overly enthusiastic about seeing Las Vegas, the greatest sensory overload of them all, without my drug of choice. I promised myself a kickback to my first years of university, already apologizing to my liver before I even left my apartment. But here I was, already reaping the benefits of drinking heavily, and the weed found me! A date with destiny!

“Hey man, do you have anymore weed?” “Twenty bucks for my last dime.” Now twenty bucks American could buy three to four dimebags back home, but I wasn’t about to bicker. After all, I was in the middle of a fucking desert, and the supply and demand economics of the world made $20 seem reasonable. We’re not in BC anymore Toto, where everybody with a greenhouse is growing grass. I took the dime at the going rate and went back to the ladies…

Rather enthusiastic about the prospects of getting high a couple of times while across the line (and thankful that I had our room changed to a smoking suite), I went to pick us up a round of drinks inside. While waiting for the bartender to get his fucking act together, I struck up a conversation with a big black guy at the bar by the name of Bejewels. Turns out he used to be a BC boy too! We start rambling and babbling about all the clubs and pubs we frequent, and he was on the exact same scene as me, only 5 years earlier! He’s a Vegas boy now… but staying true to his BC colors, he has a weed connection! “Hey man! Quarter ounce? No problem!” Off we head through the back hallways of the Aladdin to the streets! Already my head is wandering and dreaming of how great this whole trip will be…

“Hey man, give this a try.” And out Bejewels pulls a joint! Packed like a cigarette! Too kind! A couple quick hoots and


Zero to a thousand instantly! My mouth and tongue and nose are completely numb! Rocking! Invisible! Something not straight! No problem! Chase that sweet treat with a beer! Down the street we go! BEE BOP DOO WOP SHA BANG ALANG! Smiling and styling and profiling WOOOOO! Here’s the man on the street corner! I’m a hundred feet tall! Bejewels turns to me and says, “Okay man a half is one twenty.” “I only want a quarter!” “Yeah but a quarter’s eighty.” “I don’t care, we won’t go through more than a quarter!” I give him $80! Bejewels and the man are talking! Here he comes! High times! Alright! Oh boy! Oh yeah! Oh what the FUCK?!!!?!!

Bejewels hands me two dime bags??! “What the fuck is this!!?!!” “Hey man, here you go!” “What?!? Two fucking dimes?!!!!?” “Hey man, that’s what he gave me for the money.” “Well that ain’t what you told me! What the fuck is going on!?!!!” “That’s what he gave me man, if I were you I’d let it go.” “Let it go? He just ripped me off!” “Well fuck man I don’t want to get shot over no fucking drug money, I’m gone.” And he’s gone! Like that, moving away! Removing himself! Where’s that dealer?!! “He gave you eighty bucks and this is what you give him?!?!!” “No man, he gave me forty. That’s why I said deal with me!”

SCAMMED!!! MOTHER FUCKERS!!! I pretend to leave but turn around! Double back behind some trees! Like a spy! Sneaky creepy! And spotted by the dealer! “Just let it go man. It’s not worth the trouble.” But there Bejewels is! That fucker! And I rush him! He spots me and sifts back through a crowd! The crowd turns to face me! Those skinny black guys are blocking my way! “What’s da problem me man?” “That fucker ripped me off!!” “He’s wid me, you talk da me man.” I’m loud and wild! Make a scene! Everybody’s looking! Me and the latest black guy wander back around the corner! Remove the problem from public eye! I tell him what’s gone down! “Let’s see.” I hand over the weed! He rips it open! “Looks good to me man.” “I don’t care how good it looks!! I’m not paying eighty bucks for it!!” He thumbs at the buds and breaks it down! He puts most of the weed in one hand! Offers it to me! Keeping some of my overpriced buds in the other grubby paw!

And it all becomes so clear! Take what you can while you can! That’s the Las Vegas way!

“Give me what’s in your other hand!” “Get out of here.” “Fuck off! Hand it over!” He tries to walk past me! I push him back! “Push me again and you’re dead.” He tries to walk past me! I push him back harder! “One more time and you’re a dead man.” He tries to walk past me! I nearly push him to the ground! “You’re a fucking dead man!” I turn to leave! Following me! Talking a lot of shit! Gang banger’s pissed! He’s pissed? I’m the one that’s fucking pissed!

Screwed once! But what to do? Foolish! Angry! Frustration! Rage!
Screwed twice! But what to do? Stupidity! Fury! Wrath! Rage!
Hearing threats! But what to do? RAGE! RAGE!
Tripping my steps! But what to do? RAGE! RAGE!
What to do? What to do?


Spin and sucker punch! One move! Right cross! He drops like a load of shit! He is a load of shit! Don’t get that shit on your shoes! Don’t let that shit get you back! Don’t wait for the shit to hit the fan! Split! Book it! Scram! Holy fuck you just one punched a gangbanger!

And it all becomes so clear! Take what you can while you can! That’s the Las Vegas way!

BigMeats - Soon to be stuffed full of more shady Vegas stories!!

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