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Getting High and Philosophical

posted by Chad on 9/10/03

The boom of the internet affected almost everybody, especially you, you big fucking geek. Porn, communication, games, porn, a bunch of crap that you don't need, porn, free music, free movies, news, tits, ass, third rate entertainment from wannabe writers *ahem*, and porn… it's all online, waiting for you to grab it. But the other day, right through a link off the W-D front page, I bought something I thought I would never purchase online… drugs.

God bless the internet. And everybody in the congregation said… ah man, drugs? Online? How much? What's the score? What's the deal, dude?

Red Dawn. Kills less brain cells than the movie of the same name .

Like everybody, I don't click banner ads. But to be confronted by a banner ad on the webpage I write for the size of the screen shots used in our posts, it was a little bit hard to ignore. When I realized it was peddling drugs that I've never heard of, it made me feel like a bit of a hypocrite considering my web reputation is based on my drug dabbling adventures. After all, if I'm associated to the site due to my drug use, shouldn't I at least use the drugs the site is selling? So I asked Paul, the middleman, what the good word was on his source…

I really do think you'll get a kick out of the Red Dawn. They're phenomenal, if you ask me. Make sure you have an empty stomach and drink plenty of water. And wash down TWO, not one. One is ok, but two is a different experience altogether. Three is a whole other story :) Funny thing with these pills is that you have a completely different experience depending on how many you take. I think it starts out like X, but as you take more, it moves on to LSD! On three, I was hallucinating. Very weird. It's really unique. Not like X or Dope or anything illegal I've ever tried (or even alcohol)...

So, take two and let me know how you go (they take about an hour to kick in!)

I'd like to take a minute just sit right there
I'll tell you how Allison and I got higher than the air

Given the therapeutic value of last year's drug binge in the wilderness, the two of us scheduled Red Dawn as our special camping indulgence. There's something therapeutic about burning wood and destroying brain cells… it makes me feel warm all over. The day had been spent rowing a miniature rubber boat around a lake, escaping the crowded beach and making some smoke on the water. The fire in the sky browned my green skin (I'm still running around painted green claiming the Hulk is a good movie), but Allison had a rather different experience. It was like every Pepé Le Pew cartoon you ever saw… I stank of too many indulgences from the nights before, and her fair bare white skin had a red streak brighter than any punk's hair. She almost passed right out when we docked for a food and weed break at lunch. But Allison's a fighter, and with water and more weed we went back into the afternoon sun. When we returned to camp for the evening, she was the first to suggest we popped the Red Dawn.

From here, I remember quite a bit of it… but for the sake of journalistic integrity, what follows are reconstructed tape recorder snippets, taken from three hours of rough audio cuts recorded to ensure that this new magic was properly documented, in hopes to share the experience as directly as possible. All I knew before popping the Red Dawn was that the active ingredient is Ephedra, the same compound that makes swallowing 10 Stacker 2's such a great time. Not that I would ever do anything like that.

The horse pills were popped, and we were sitting, waiting, hoping the drugs would take hold. The evening was beginning to dim, the sun always sets sooner in the mountains, and the neighbours beside us were providing the entertainment by going to war with each other. While we're waiting for the drugs to turn our minds on us, the family next door was turning on each other. The husband, after treating everybody else around him like shit for the last hour and a half, “had enough” and proclaimed he's spending the rest of the evening in his truck. Gotta love the freedom of the great outdoors. About a half hour into his self-appointed sentence he stepped out of the truck to be greeted by his wife, the only thing bigger than his attitude, barking out “GET THE FUCK BACK IN THERE,” which he did without a word. He didn't leave his truck for the rest of the night.

The only thing I'm feeling thus far is the need to pee from all the water I downed before the pills. A bit of gut rut is starting to settle in, but I don't know if that's from the requisite empty stomach, or the Red Dawn working it's way through my digestive tract. Probably both. Our pupils are bigger, and our sight is getting brighter…

nonononononononononononononononono no no NO!

The drug feels more active when I'm active. When I move the words move. When I bounce around the thoughts bounce around. When I dance naked, so do my words. Woa. Flow. Roll. Go. This is why people pop pills and shake it in clubs. Cause you can't stop the rhythm of your soul.

It's difficult to explain because its psychedelics, but our surroundings almost feel fake, like we're in the Matrix training area and the fire in front of us is just a loaded program. We're like two Gods in an empty bar, able to construct our realities through our heightened senses. We are together physically, but mentally we're on two different roads. I'm feeling sharper than a razor, able to take any subject, grab it, hold it, divulge myself into it, cut threw it, feel immersed in it like a swimmer in water, and able to wade out as far as my attention span will carry me. My mind keeps leaping, springing forth. The dam has broke and everything is pouring out. Allison though, her eyes are closed and her body is rocking slowly back and forth, and she tells me she's at home, laying down and petting our bunny Smokey, and he's giving her lots and lots of licks and love.

In an attempt to bring the two of us into the same foreign land, we head out for a walk together. Allison staggers like a drunk, and I ramble like one. It's dark and the way would be treacherous without a flashlight, but ahead there are three glowing beacons of light. They turn out to be road pylons, blocking off a rather muddy area, they're fluorescent orange and pulsating light, glowing like torches in the night, like they're completely alive. This is the first visual experience we share together, and it brings us comfort to know that we're in this together.

We arrive at the beach, and I smoke a bowl in hopes to warp me to Allison's out-of-body-experience level. I lay back on the beach… and the whole universe unfolds in front of us. The heavens sparkle down, endless, thousands of stars filling the sky like a bucket of white paint thrown onto a black canvas. One star right above us shines like a pure white light through a pinhole, through the utter darkness, straight down staring into our eyes. The sound of the lake water rolling towards the creek calms the soul, the whole scenery soothes us, rejuvenates us. From the million grains of sand on the beach to the million stars in the sky, in the infinity of it all, we are just two small specs of dust. The relief of being insignificant. Like nature, it allows a freedom.

The walk back is filled with different sensations. First is a let down from the euphoric high of seeing so much of the evening sky, the dull walk home. Then sketchiness, a fear of the dark lurking forest surrounding us, which waits and watches us pass. Then peace and tranquility, the stillness of solitude, the solid sleep of the bush. The Red Dawn tumbles over us in waves, each one giving a different perception of the same experience.

We arrive back at camp and start cooking some marshmallows. Our bodies reject food, not allowing us to choke even one down. The taste of one ensures I won't attempt another, and for Allison it's the straw that breaks her back. Out from her mouth pours the water from earlier, making a terrible splashing that signals her night is quickly drawing to a close. She retires for the evening, but me, I'm hit with the desire to dance naked again, but this time around the truck of our sleeping grumpy neighbour.

Left alone with my thoughts, I begin to burn everything I can find as we have to leave the next day. The Red Dawn coupled with staring into the fire opened a gateway to that little room two inches behind your eyes, the place where you question everything about yourself. Paul's latest post questioning the direction of life articulates the sentiments Red Dawn brought to my light. It allowed me to use my head by putting me out of my mind. Accepting the alternative realities your mind presents allows you to break from the confines your life holds over you, to break from the social games and focus on the things that matter to you. What to do with your time. What makes you happy. Where do you want to go.

As far away from the soul stealing machine as possible, Bill.

With the wood pile depleted and the sky beginning to lighten, I decide to see the sun rise before I fall asleep. I used to see it rise daily in the summer when I was younger, when I worked at 5 am in the Meat Department for nearly six years, but it's been at least two years since I saw the last one. The birds chirp their songs all around me, filling the awakening woods with the warmth it lacked in the dark. I feel almost like Snow White and that I ought to be singing in their symphony for the Disney Soundtrack, but then I reconsider and recall that the tape recorder is still running and that I'd probably spill my beer. So I listen to the soundtrack of the forest as I work my way to the marshland, to sit on the rails of the bridge and watch the scene unfold. The fog rises to reach the sunbeams, the clouds roll in like the ocean surf, and the day loses its grey and begins to glow.

I should warn people that my morning-afters are like few others. For example, when I drink heavily, I usually awaken within 5 hours full of new life rather than hungover. I only slept three hours on the Red Dawn and felt a bit mushy brainy, but otherwise fine. We decided to stay at the lake for the day and spend one last afternoon floating in the boat.

One more bowl just for the sake of it, and it seems to have rekindled the embers of the pills. Allison spots what she's sure was the inspiration to Radiohead's “Fake Plastic Trees,” a dead tree rising higher than any of the alive ones into the hollow sky. Further along, nailed to a tree is a Ziploc bag containing a picture of a lady's face, the bag surrounded by a wreath and framed by police tape wrapped around the surrounding trees. And finally, a flock of Canadian Geese settle down beside us and pose in front of the pulsating green bush. I arch my back over the edge of the boat and look at the universe standing on its head, my hair floating in the cool silver lake at the top of my vision, and the entire universe falls away from the hanging shoreline. And I smile as I remember that I have two more of these pills at home.


( Note : you can purchase Red Dawn for the cheapest price on the net by going to THIS LINK It's cheaper, safer and much more effective than alcohol :) )

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