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Britney Spears: behind the lyrics
posted by Paul on 3/03/01  Britney Spears' songs are like lyrical popcorn. Pleasant enough to digest, but if you actually think about the poison that's just infiltrated your system, your head will explode and your heart will beat faster than a retard in a porn theater. If you sit and ponder Britney's " music ", it makes little sense. In fact, if you sit and ponder that, nothing seems to make sense. Believe me, I should know. For me, Britney is a guilty pleasure, and her candy pop rhymes have me humming for hours on end, polluting my mind with annoying songs I just can't exorcise. She looks great, she talks sweet and she pretends to be chaste. That's three notches on her belt. What brings her down in my estimation is: - She's not really sweet. At all. It's all an act, a deception and one one huge illusion. Britney is the Oz of pop - revered, lusted after and showered with great gifts. But the fact is, she's not the little do-gooder her publicists would have you believe. Honestly, this should be no surprise to any of you. Britney wears phony like Don Johnson wears an sleazy grin - like she was born with it. I don't care if she's a virgin or if she's ever locked lips. That's her business, and I'm sure Justin Timberlake, if he's any man at all ( and is there any real proof that he is ? ), will have taken care of business a long time ago. His little pubic-haired cranium bouncing in the air. But Britney and her " of the moment " cash-ins are one thing. What concerns me is the sickeningly sweet act Britney presents to her fans. Little Miss Innocent. Let's skim over her noted forays into nightclubs. Let's even look past her raunchy outfits. Let's take a look at her lyrics. You want to know how Britney is poisoning the minds of impressionable teenyboppers the world over? It's all in the words.  " Baby One More Time " Taking a closer look. Oh baby, baby Subtext: " I'm a girl, and girls are, like, not as smart as boys. " Oh baby, baby Subtext: " Because every girl must have a man, and no girl can, like, think for herself. " And now you're out of sight, yeah Subtext: " You have to explain things to me, you big dominant being. I'm just a sex object and personal slave, and I'll be subservient to you. Just show me the way. " Chorus: Subtext: " I can't stand my own company. I need a man to complete me. " When I'm not with you I lose my mind Subtext: " Not being with you drives me nuts. You're so vital to me. Show me the way. Feel free to use and abuse me. Just be there. I can take the abuse like a little subservient female. " Oh baby, baby Subtext: " I live only for you. I have no other function in life. I live to serve you. If you weren't here, I'd, like, kill myself and stuff. " Boy you got me blinded Subtext: " I'll do anything for you. Especially sexual. But ONLY after marriage, since I'm a virgin. * wink * " It's not the way I planned it Subtext: " I never planned to be this shameful in my lust, but show me the way. I need your brainpower to figure this out for me. Ah, fuck it, I just want to be used as a sex toy." Overall Rating for anti-Feminist ideology: 10 out of 10. You can tell a man is writing Britney's lyrics. Only a man could suggest that teenage girls are there to be beaten and that they should be happy with that ( even BEGGING for more abuse ). This presents a picture of the confused little woman, who can't figure things out for herself - either intelligently OR reasonably. Britney is EVIL.  " Oops I did it again " I think I did it again Subtext: " I was a bimbo, and I don't have the intellectual tools to assert my true feelings. " Oh baby Subtext: " I'll prove to you how dumb I am, since I make two completely redundant statements. " 'Cause to lose all my senses Subtext: " I lose all my senses, because I'm a girl, and as I keep on saying, girls exist for no other reason than to satisfy boys. I can't think for myself. " I played with your heart, got lost in the game Subtext: " Even I don't know what I'm trying to say here, but I think it's something to do with messin' with boys and stuff. You have to, like, seduce boys. That's what gurls do! " Oops!...You think I'm in love Subtext: " I may look innocent and naive, but it's good to be domineering underneath. Gurls have to portray this girly image, because cute boys like that. Even if it's, like, not true and stuff. " Overall Rating for anti-Feminist ideology: 7 out of 10. The ant-feminist " vibe " is strong here. Britney is like George Bush with silicone breasts. If we listened to Britney, we'd all believe that women are only there to seduce and destroy. T.J Mackey said that and we all pish-poshed the notion of gender wars. Britney says the same thing on the flip side and teenage girls flock to buy her superficial albums.  " (You drive me) Crazy " Baby, I'm so into you Subtext: " I lust after you, and this is normal. If a guy did it, it would be weird and stuff. Oh my gosh! " Everytime you look at me Subtext: " It's easy to see that I'm so easy that one glance will melt me. Girls should play easy, rather than have to fend for themselves. Can I make this any clearer? We need cute guys " Loving you means so much more Subtext: " I'm just a silly gurl. The only issues I should care about are make-up, hair and that cute guy who keeps checkin' me out. Jesus Christ said independent women are evil. It's somewhere near the back of that bible book. I think. " You drive me crazy Subtext: " Even though I'm making it clear that you're just a fantasy figure, it's ok to express this. Who's Annie Wilkes? " Crazy, but it feels alright Subtext: " I have nothing better to think of. I don't know what a world issue is, let alone study one or somethin'. Gurls aren't here to think. " Overall Rating for anti-Feminist ideology: 6 out of 10. So, women are only there to fantasize over men? Sometimes On the surface: A song about being in an ambiguous relationship. ..I wanna believe in everything that you say Subtext: " I want to be a bigger bimbo than I already am, and accept every silly story you tell me, but I do have some brains. " Sometimes I run Sometimes I hide Subtext: " I'm so confused, I don't know whether I'm coming or going. Ohmigosh! I said coming! I didn't mean it THAT way!! But you're so abusive to me and I want to leave you. I'm a gurl, though, and I realize that we live to serve cute boys, so I won't run. I just want to be cutesy and cuddle with you. " Baby, all I need is time Subtext: " We'll have sexual relations eventually, but let me pretend to be a virgin until my short-lived career fizzles out. Then we can fuck 'till the cows come! Oops, I did it again! Jesus hates me. " Overall Rating for anti-Feminist ideology: 7 out of 10. Presents a confused picture of womanhood, and suggests that women need a man, even if he is violent.  Born to make you happy ...if only you were here tonight Subtext: " Because I can only make things right with my body! " I don't know how to live without your love Subtext: " I am nothing. Britney needs man! " Subtext: " I'm sounding like a deranged fan again! Ohmigosh! " Subtext: " I enjoy being contradictory and stuff. " cuz livin' in a dream of you and me Subtext: " Finally! I'm starting to understand the concept of, like, common-sense! " I don't wanna cry a tear for you Subtext: " I can't control my emotions, because I'm all girly and stuff. " I'd give you my world Subtext: " I'm beginning to confuse even myself here. It's well seen I don't write this junk. I think it's about being in unrequited love or somethin'. That's, err, not good. " Overall Rating for anti-Feminist ideology: 6 out of 10. Suggests that women only exist for the pleasure of men and can't exist for their own betterment. Dumb. Phony. I decided to ask some of our favorite Pop Culture stalwarts what they thought of Britney's Republican stance. Here's what some of them said ( I couldn't get any feedback from Rocky Dennis, because he's dead. And if he was alive, I'd be terrified of him breaking plates on me )
Insightful, I'm sure you'll agree.. So, there you have it. Success comes to those who smile inanely, preach about feminine subservience and pander to little kids. I don't despise Britney Spears. Frankly, I find her type quite appealing. And not giving head to Carson Daly and Fred Durst, whilst Eminem has an open mic, will stand to her in time. That's if she's still around in two years. Who wants to bet?
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Mitch Leery- " As a father myself, I'd like to think that Britney is well-intentioned. Surely in this day and age, youngsters can present a positive image of themselves. When I'm talking about life to Dawson, I'm sure to impart some important life lessons. Always have respect for the female sex. I do, and therefore get regular nookie from my impossibly ditzy spouse. Dawson does and refuses to bang Katie Holmes. Maybe I'm going off-topic, but if I was Mr Spears and not Mr Leery, I'd tell young Britney to stop poisoning the minds of our youths. That's the job of the WB. "
The Nome King- " I occasionally wear women's underwear. Ah, what the fuck would I know about feminist ideology? I'm a rock! "
Freddie Prinze Jr - " Do I look like I know anything about anything? Why am I here? Can I kill myself, too? "