a f f
What's your name?
What positions do you hold here at W-D
Can we call ya D-Mac?
Well considering that Jennifer Lopez just started
referring to herself as J.Lo past the age of thirty. I
guess, I still got a few years left of being referred to
by my college nickname, without feeling like a complete
What are some of your fears in life?
Well, I have an intense fear of doing faux interviews
with myself, which I am struggling to overcome as I type
this out. I also have an intense fear that Chris Klein
will become typecast as a dumb jock.
Now we've read that you are half-Italian and
half-Jewish. Does that mean that Bagel Bites are your
With pizza on a bagel, I can eat pizza anytime.
Who are your heroes in life?
Well first and foremost my parents. They taught me at an
early age, that disappointment is a big part of life.
Thanks for getting divorced guys
I appreciate it.
Geez, take a joke. Seriously though, I love my parents.
Without them I wouldn't be the uptight wiseass that
stands before you today.
Name some of your favorite movies..
Well, my movie tastes range from the intellectual to the
downright retarded. For example, I've recently seen Requiem
for a Dream in the theater twice, while at the same
time owning Troll 2 on video.
Some personal favorites would have to be: The Big
Lebowski, St. Elmo's Fire, The Crow, Tombstone, Billy
Madison, Kingpin, Just One of the Guys, Side-out, Red
Dawn, Rocky IV, Trainspotting, Mr. Mom, Swingers, Sliding
Doors, Weird Science, Revenge of the Nerds, Dead Poet's
Society, Loverboy, Can't Buy Me Love
geez, I could
go on and on.
Well, since you've bored us enough, please don't.
You don't have to get all snippy with me. Wow, I'm
arguing with myself. Maybe my therapist was right
So what are your ambitions in life?
To save Hollywood from the trite, mind-numbing bullshit
that pass for movies these days. Everything's pretty much
either a completely unabashed remake.. or a retread of an
old concept. Somebody needs to stop these people.
Where might we find you on a typical weekend night?
Chances are you can find me at a bar, drinking myself
into becoming a different person
either that or I'm
at the hospital babysitting Celine Dion's frozen embryo.
It's a tough job.. but somebody's gotta do it.
It says here that you're twenty seven years old. You
look much younger though.. What do you attribute that to?
I still haven't grown into my Jewish nose. It should be
happening any day now. I can't wait.
Do you resemble any celebrities?
my last name kinda looks like Ralph Macchio's.
Does that count?
not really. So, what's the "Meaning of
Many people have pondered this one throughout the ages
with no definitive answer. Ironically, my answer to this
question can be found in the preceding sentence. Think
So basically what you are saying is, the "Meaning
of Life" is to try and avoid tough questions by
making pseudo-philosophical statements?
Ooohhh we've got a live one here
This town needs an
Quoting the Joker isn't going to get you out of
answering the question
. Now if you had quoted
General Zod from Superman II, that might've made me lose
my train of thought
.Since you didn't though, let me
ask again, what do you think the
"Meaning of Life" is?
Life is kinda like playing the card game, UNO. You can
plan your strategy and play your cards perfectly, but the
possibility of somebody throwing a Wild Card to screw up
your plan is always there. The player's ability to handle
the unexpected, is the key to winning the game.
So what you are saying is, "Life is like a box of
UNO, you never know what you're gonna get?" How's
the shrimping business doing these days?
Keep it up jackass
. Do you see the irony in the
fact that I am managing to get on my own nerves?
The only irony lies in the fact that you still think
people are reading this trite, BS interview
Good point. Can we end the pain now?
Well, Dave thanks for your time
keep up the good work. We all love you.
Hehe.. I know you do. I know you do. Stay cool.