a f f
my name, say my name...
name's Eric... Eric Fields. Too bad I'm not
smooth enough to say it like James Bond does, with my
last name first, then my first name followed
immediately by my last name. Then I would have been
cool and suave, just like 007. Instead I blurt it
like Forest Gump, which makes me seem like, well, you
know, Tom Hanks talking to a volley ball... or, uh,
something like that.
You can e-mail me at email@example.com,
or contact me via AOL Instant Messenger; my screen
name is WD ECF. I'm available for
and wedding receptions.
I serve a number of purposes at the W-D empire.
would call me a man of many hats. Others may call
many men, with many hats. Still, others may say
I have an oddly shaped head and that hats don't suit
me as much as, say, a neckerchief. Anyway, at W-D
I'll be writing a little sumpin-sumpin on a
semi-regular basis in exchange for oral favors from a
midget in a bunny suit. It's not exactly what I
the best employee benefits... but when it comes to
writing online, you take what you can get. Also, in
the coming months, I'll be creating a fancy new look
for the site... kind of like when Jessica Simpson dyed
her hair brown. Same slut, new look. Or in
case... uh... same slut, new look.
Word, dog... E-Diddy up in Pittsburgh, PA,
coast, you dig, sucka? Yeah, yeah, I feel dat.
Date of birth?
The world got a little brighter at 5am on the 10th of
November, in 1980. You know, most people consider a
baby in their lives a blessing, but my mother still,
to this day, bitches about the stretch marks I gave
her. Ah, there's nothing like a mother's love for
first-born son. Also, being born in the year of the
monkey, the state considers me a man... I'm able to
buy alcohol, ciggarettes, and hardcore porn an my
leisure. Plus, Walmart won't card me when I'm
"There's Something About Mary" ever
damn them, damn them for my pain.
Pop Culture Heros?
Sean Connery, Samuel L. Jackson, Ben Affleck, Kevin
Smith, Nicolas Cage, Jon Stewart, Chris Rock, Andy
Kaufman, Vince McMahon, Eeyore, Aquaman, Superman,
Homer Simpson, Ren Hoek, James Bond, Indiana Jones,
Archie Bunker, George Jefferson, and, of course, Jesus
Christ... just to name a few.
Pop Culture Enemies?
Freddie Prinze, Jr., Chris Klein, Carson Daly, Richard
Gere, Walt Disney
You want to tell us a little more about
Sho-nuff. I bet you never thought that you'd be so
lucky when you woke up this morning, learning so much
about me and what-not.
Most people share a resemblence to someone
famous... do you?
My entire life, people have told me I have a striking
resemblence to TV's Fred Savage (The Wonder Years,
Working, and that made-for-TV movie on ABC where he
beat the fuck out of DJ Tanner). It does me a
of good when I'm dealing with women who haven't seen
Little Monsters... but for some reason, when
I'm not saying something out loud, people have a
tendency to accuse me of narritively thinking of the
Is all your life consists of writing online?
Silly rabbit... writing online has been a long-time
hobby of mine, that I struggle to continue at times
because my life is so busy otherwise. However, I'm
a longtime relationship with a girl that I absolutely
love and adore. I'm also full-time Visual
Communications major at the International Academy of
Design and Technology in Pittsburgh, which is
basically like any school for the arts except we're
international... you can thank our one affiliate in
Canada who say aboot for that one.
Also, I hold
down an internship at a local hospital, UPMC Health
Systems, as part of their web design team. And
I'm a struggling college student living in my own
place, I do indeed have yet another job. I'm
representin' at Best Buy... I play video games, listen
to music, and occasionally help out customers. I
a ton of other hobbies that you probably don't care to
know, so I don't care to admit to. Maybe if you
contact me, I'll share a few of those guilty
Give a brief rundown of your writing history...
Well, I've been writing seriously from the age of 16,
when my cherry was first popped to writing online.
I've written for an endless number of sites, on an
endless number of topics. Some of said websites
predecessors to W-D, and I actually owned and operated
two of them myself. I'd actually taken these last
years off from writing online to focus on my college
education, though my desire to write never stopped...
and my first feature-length screenplay resulted.
Tell us some of your favorite things, the first of
those being your favorite television shows...
What I enjoy watching on TV, much like most of my
other interests, are not always similar. For
instance, I love the NBC soap operas Days of Our Lives
and Passions. I'm so hooked on them that I've
actually been known to schedule classes and work hours
around the time that those soaps are on. I also
absolutely love watching any professional wrestling
shows, with the WWF having always been my favorite.
Specific TV shows that I'm into include All in the
Family, The Jeffersons, Smallville, Lois and Clark:
The New Adventures of Superman, The Wonder Years, The
Golden Girls, Quantum Leap, Batman (starring Adam
West), Seinfeld, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, Late
Night with Connan O'Brien, Dawson's Creek, The Brady
Bunch, Roseanne, Friends, The Real World, Married With
Children, The Three Stooges, Full House, The Howard
Stern Show on E!, The Jerry Springer Show, and I'm
sure at least 20 other shows that aren't coming to me
at the moment.
What about your favorite cartoons?
God knows I love cartoons
hell, The Simpsons is
probably my all-time favorite TV show. I also love
Ren & Stimpy, Kevin Smiths Clerks: Uncensored,
Flesher's Superman, the WB's Adventures of Superman,
Batman: The Animated Series, The Superfriends, The
Justice League of America, The Smurfs, The
Flintstones, The Jetsons, Scooby Doo, The Teenage
Mutant Ninja Turtles, He-Man and the Masters of the
Universe, Thunder Cats, Spiderman, X-Men, The Real
Ghostbusters, Garfield and Friends, Duck Tales, and
basically every other cartoon, both shorts and movies,
that Disney has ever put out.
And how about your favorite movies?
My movie tastes, much the same as my favorite things
on television, are quite varied. I pride myself on
being open to all movies, and am somewhat of a movie
buff. I, much like pretty much everyone else,
absolutely love all four of the Star Wars movies, and
often think about the final two films that will
complete the series and the sea of semen that will
result from them. I also love the Indiana Jones
trilogy, the Back to the Future trilogy, and every
single one of the James Bond movies except A View
To A Kill... a movie plot about foul-play in the
horse breeding world and that ugly black
having sex with 007 are enough to give a man a low
sperm count. When Christopher Walken cant
film from suck-dom, you know theres no chance in
hell. At any rate, other die-hard favorites include
all of Kevin Smith's films, Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing
Amy, Dogma, and Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, most
of the Farley Brothers films, Dumb and Dumber,
Kingpin, There's Something About Mary, and Me, Myself,
& Irene, most of Adam Sandler's movies, Billy
Happy Gilmore, The Wedding Singer, The Waterboy, Big
Daddy, and Little Nicky. More random favorites
include, The Planet of the Apes (old school as well as
new), The Patriot, Pearl Harbor, Braveheart, Cruel
Intentions, Pulp Fiction, The Rock, Face/Off, Snatch,
Trainspotting, The Matrix, American Beauty, Swingers,
Sleepy Hollow, The Devil's Advocate, Good Will
Hunting, Gladiator, Independence Day, Cast Away, Gone
in 60 Seconds, Armageddon, Office Space, The Cable
Guy, Forest Gump, The Mummy, The Mummy Returns,
Superman II, Batman, Batman Forever, The Ten
Commandments, Sparticus, The Goonies, Weird Science,
Teen Wolf, Stand By Me, Titanic, Save the Last Dance,
Man on the Moon, The Jerk, Trading Places, Terminator
2: Judgment Day, Saturday Night Fever, Willy Wonka and
the Chocolate Factory, The Breakfast Club... the list
goes on and on.
And music, what about your favorites in that
Some of my favorite bands, in no particular order,
include Linkin Park, Staind, Hoobastank, 311, The
Bloodhound Gang, Korn, Creed, Green Day, The Beatles,
Limp Bizkit, Everlast, Fatboy Slim, Sublime, Kid Rock,
Nine Inch Nails, The Red Hot Chili Peppers, Third Eye
Blind, Blink 182, Smashing Pumpkins, Filter, Reel Big
Fish, Goldfinger, Zebrahead, Eve 6, Fuel, The
Deftones, Bob Marley, Nirvana, and Papa Roach. My
musical tastes change fairly often, but those bands
pretty much sum up what kind of stuff I'm into.
listen to pretty much anything besides idiotic country
songs and ridiculous R&B songs that make no damn
sense, though my preferences seem to be hard stuff,
rock, ska, funk, jazz, punk, techno, and reggae, with
a dash of disco, a pinch of pop, classical, and rap,
and a tiny bit of R&B thrown in there, all for good
taste. Oh yeah, boy bands and teen queens are the
What are your favorite things to eat?
All Chinese food, most Italian food, some sea food,
then there are turkey, chicken, and roast dinners, not
to mention my infamous tuna casserole. Those would
main course favorites, but other guilty pleasures
include lots of different cereals, chocolate, and beef
All right, well, what do you like to wash all that
I'm usually found drinking iced-tea, or my soda of
choice, Pepsi. I also love fruit smoothies and a
number of different types of coffee and herbal teas.
Though I quite enjoy most hard liquors and wines, my
alcoholic beverages of choice would have to be
Smirnoff Ice, Mike's Hard Lemonade, anything mixed
with orange juice, rum and Coke, or any kind of
Finally, since we're going over your favorite
things, what are some of your favorite colors? No
'favorites' section can be completed without asking
Red, blue, orange, black, yellow, green. Basically
everything you could find in a Crayola Classic Colors
8-pack, minus the white, brown, purple, and pink. I
used to like neon purple, but I got tired of my
grandmother calling me a fag.
The end is near?
I know this is what you've been looking forward to
this part is like the tootsie-roll center of a
tootsie-pop. You lick and lick and lick until you
there, since it's supposed to be the best part, but
then you just kind of find something else to suck on
because it wasn't fulfilling enough. Alas, the
of my life
lucky for me though, a good number of
people love tootsie-rolls. Not me though, I have a
hard time eating something that looks like it came out
of a constipated bunny. But to each his own, eh?
Sadly, though, this is the end of my bio. I would
animate the credits of who was behind this beauty, but
since I'm the only one who did anything worth
mentioning, I suppose I'll pass on that. However, I
do hope you enjoyed learning a bit more about me,
because I've enjoyed taking breaks while writing this
to masturbate and receive fellatio from my lovely
lady. Have a nice day!